Why Hello There Again!
Okay, so I've decided that before I start posting all makeupey bits I should do a few more other posts where you can get to know me, so today I'm going to be writing about a problem many teens (or anyone for that matter) face on a regular basis - lack of self confidence.
Now, I think it's very important for everyone to love themselves (now I'm not talking about being cocky, just being comfortable in your own skin). Obviously many people write about this but I'm hoping that another viewpoint on the matter may help, and even if it only helps one person, I'm happy with that.
Personally I am not that self conscious, and most people see me as quite a confident person (depending on the situation). Many of you at this point may be thinking 'well she obviously doesn't have a clue what she's writing about then, if she herself isn't self conscious', but I would feel it would be hypocritical of me to tell someone how to help with this issue if I was self conscious, as my advice obviously wouldn't work if it didn't help me. Also I used to feel very self conscious since Year 7 (so around 11 yrs old) and I thought I would share my experience with you to help, as other than very occasionally, I feel I am now a person who has learnt to love myself for me no matter what anyone else could ever say.
My Experience
Okay, lets begin then, eh?
Now, I will begin saying that everyone does different things to cope with feeling self conscious. In my experience I would act in a 'cocky' manner (wouldn't expect that would you?). If anyone ever complimented me I would say 'I know' sarcastically and start laughing (okay so not cocky as it was ironic but my other 11 year old peers didn't quite get that). For me this was a coping mechanism as I couldn't genuinely accept there compliments.
So at this point you may be asking 'so what made you begin to feel self conscious then Katy?' well I'm just getting to that now :)
I was in a friendship group where I was definitely the most petite. They all had lovely curves and I was (and still am) very slim. I was fine with this and thought nothing of it until they started to say things such as 'Katy you should eat more' 'Katy you look like you're anorexic or something' 'You're so bony' etc. but I took it as a joke and went along with it, not realizing how much I would think about it later on. And I remember going to a dance course in a room with a mirror for a wall, and as a danced all I could think to myself was how scrawny and lanky and bony I looked and couldn't accept my body for the way it naturally was.
For a long period of time I didn't really think about it, it was more of a sub-conscious thing, and I only consciously thought about it when I looked in the mirror.
Then at the end of Year 8 (So I was 13 - I think) our school held an end of year BBQ, and I remember going into a classroom with one of the friends from the group that had said these things (and had carried on saying them since the first time until this point regularly as a joke) and just had a long talk about random things. We had later on gotten onto the topic of body image and I clearly remember telling her how I was sick of their jokes and I hated the things they said and how self- conscious I now felt. The thing was she thought I was very self confident because of how I would react to compliments, even to the point of thinking I was vain (this is why you should never make fun of someone despite how you think they may feel because, as I have said, everyone copes differently in this situation). Anyway, up until this point I hadn't truly understood the extent in which there words had affected me and just burst into tears right there and then.
How I Feel Now & Advice
Since then I have still felt self conscious but have now come to a point in my life where I understand no one is perfect, and striving for it is idiotic because it's unachievable. Also you have to understand that you may hate something about yourself that someone else loves. For example when my mum was at school she hated her hair colour but knew a girl who she thought had the most beautiful red hair and my mum adored it. Then one day the girl came into school and she had dyed her hair, so my mum went up to her and asked 'Why did you dye your hair? I loved your hair colour it was beautiful.' And the girl replied saying 'I dyed it to make it look like yours.'
I know that story is cheesy but really shows what I want to demonstrate with this post, people will always find something about them self, however small, and spend all their time focusing on that one thing, hating it, but to others it is barely noticeable or they love it.
The thing is, your self-worth should NEVER be determined by other peoples thoughts so even if others do say negative things to you, ignore them. As long as you are healthy and happy that's all that matters, and all that should ever matter, because even the most perfect person in your eyes still will have small insecurities and no matter how many compliments they get it won't change how they feel unless they change their viewpoint (this is what I have done and has made my life so much better).
I now love myself. I love my body, my personality, and my life. I am not being vain, I am being truthful and I am happy. Loving yourself should not be considered vain or cocky, you can be both modest AND love yourself. I am definitely not perfect, but I don't want to be and loving yourself doesn't mean that you think you are. Being self absorbed and self confident are two very different things and people have to understand that.
I hope this post has helped anyone struggling with this problem and if anyone wants any more advice on this subject, or on anything else please leave a comment below and I would be more than happy to.
~KatyTonge AllThingsAdvice
